Aria

 It has been a while since I last opened this blog

For reasons I am aware

Feeling crippled by the state of everything

I am empty 

So why such heaviness?

Shoulders like a ton of bricks

The weight of the world

Continual twitching of my eye

Nerves like electrical conduits

Heart palpitations and tremors while at rest

Rest? What is that?

Tiredness unlike any I have experienced

Sleep deprivation can be cured with adequate sleep

Physical exhaustion can be remedied with therapy and rest

Mental clarity can be achieved through meditation and relaxation

This type of exhaustion is different

It's as though my chest is being crushed 

I can't catch my breath

I panic

The twisting and churning of my soul

Make it stop

I don't want to fight 

The never-ending song that plays in my head

The vibrato of life

I want to quit this dance

Being passed between falsettos and bass when all I want is to be 

Muted

Let me go now

Tired of feeling

Tired of thinking

Remaining hopeful disappoints

What I am not is depressed

What I am is here

Forced to be in a place where love and justice are lacking

With an overabundance of evil and corruption 

Where unkindness and egocentricity thrive

It hurts

I cry 

Words are useless and moot

Conversations only bring headaches 

What are we?

Has it ever mattered?

My soul and spirit are exhausted

A mere shell of a person

As sunset closes the curtain on today's scene

Tomorrow's sun forces me to rise up for the next act

Until my prayers for peace and contentment are answered

The show must go on

(End Scene).


What started as a basic journal entry has ended with this "aria." I have been too unmotivated to write or do many things lately. I have spent my entire life being quite unemotional. As of late, I cry everyday, sometimes multiple times. When I witness road rage during my morning commute, it pains me to tears. Random observations of hateful people in the world and the never-ending calamities and injustices occurring worldwide has a deep effect on me emotionally. 

If you knew me you would never know all that goes on in my mind. It is as though my spirit is in mourning. These are the instances when I need to isolate myself. I want to break free from these thoughts, feelings, and realities. 

The givers, healers, listeners, warriors, thinkers, and encouragers of the world need rest. We need to release the insurmountable amount of weight we've been carrying. Unpack and refill.

The problem is that we are scarce. Where do we go for uplifting? Well I guess that's why I write. Words as therapy.

Thank you Jesus. 








 




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