The Struggle Continues... (Note to Self)

Where does this obsession with appearances come from? Our constant comparisons to others in not only our physical appearances, but also, materialistic, status, relational, and otherwise. Honestly, it baffles me. That is why I feel so oddly about this time of social media. I am who I am and look how I do. I do not care to take selfies with filters or post pictures boasting about my accomplishments or material objects. In an age of plastic surgery and filters, we are competing with unnatural expectations of beauty. I would much rather people see my heart and mind through my words and actions, than to care about what I look like, where I live, what I drive, or what I "do". 

I am envious of every person that has high self-esteem and feels comfortable in their physical bodies. I have never been that person no matter what shape or age. This is what childhood neglect and abuse often does. I hate my body for the type of attention it invites. It does not matter how attractive one may be. Some will always see themselves in a tainted light. Some will spend their entire lives trying to feel worthy.

Side Note: [Growing up I never put attention into my appearance and chose to wear boy's clothing. I didn't fix my hair or wear make-up. I purposely wanted to hide any femininity. I hated the fact that my body brought unwanted attention. To this day, I tie sweaters around my waist and wear long clothing to hide my "big Puerto Rican butt." (A colonized view of beauty) How strange it is that folks are out here spending thousands on butt injections]. 

I am writing this as I struggle with my fitness journey. Over the past few years, I have been inconsistently consistent with my nutrition and workout regime. I fluctuate with my discouragement and encouragement. I have grown to be comfortable with my overall body type (pear) and continue to be completely healthy.  But why must my body continually fight with me on meeting my goal? 

There are some aspects of our bodies that cannot be controlled or changed with diet and exercise. Illnesses that cannot be avoided or cured. We cannot modify our height or blood types for example. Do we think that there were mistakes made in our creation? Can plastic surgery correct all of our faults and satisfy us? Sure, we can get get new teeth, noses, and suck out those inches of fat. But, will it ever be enough to simply love ourselves? 

My hope is for people to love themselves exactly as they are and have confidence in who they are. More time should be focused on cultivating our hearts, minds, and spirits than in focusing on the physical. Why is it so difficult to love ourselves unconditionally? We have to learn to love ourselves enough to take care of ourselves, mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit. Our Creator does not make mistakes. You are exactly who you are meant to be. Now go share your beauty with the world.   


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