My Fyshbowl Blog

 I'm all choked up From the words that are stuck in my throat I can barely breathe I can't speak them I can't write them They don't escape Every thought kept in my head Every word not spoken The pain not expressed My soul is overcrowded I cry I feel nothing It does nothing I am not healing I'm screaming Silently

When I say that I'm tired, what I mean is that I am exhausted My mind needs a rest from overthinking My soul needs a break from the world's toxicity My heart has PTSD from ongoing trauma and abuse Is this a call for help? Maybe Maybe I need therapy, or maybe I just need to sleep I am overworked and undervalued Disrespected and misused Self-care is not going to heal these wounds or reignite my passions I need true deep healing How can that happen when it requires the energy I don't have? I've spent too much time feeling this way and can't see a way out Good night

When I Am Gone  When I am gone from this world, how will I be remembered? How long before I am remembered at all? Would I have served my purpose? When I am gone, my shoulders won't be there to carry your burdens My heart won't ache for your pain When I am gone,  I can no longer be your listening ear or your motivation My smiles and laughs won't exist to lift you up I will have no more tears to hide in order to keep you happy When I am gone, my hands will be still for the first time My heart will finally be at rest When I am gone, I am taking all of my unspoken words The rage I kept to myself My hopes and aspirations will continue existing in my untamed imaginations The regrets and doubts will disappear Leaving only remnants of my existence When I am gone, my breath will remain in my children who will remember me in their souls I lived my life by the spirit and hope to remain in your spirit When I'm gone.

  It has been a while since I last opened this blog For reasons I am aware Feeling crippled by the state of everything I am empty  So why such heaviness? Shoulders like a ton of bricks The weight of the world Continual twitching of my eye Nerves like electrical conduits Heart palpitations and tremors while at rest Rest? What is that? Tiredness unlike any I have experienced Sleep deprivation can be cured with adequate sleep Physical exhaustion can be remedied with therapy and rest Mental clarity can be achieved through meditation and relaxation This type of exhaustion is different It's as though my chest is being crushed  I can't catch my breath I panic The twisting and churning of my soul Make it stop I don't want to fight  The never-ending song that plays in my head The vibrato of life I want to quit this dance Being passed between falsettos and bass when all I want is to be  Muted Let me go now Tired of feeling Tired of thinking Remaining hopefu...

  The power of music is one that cannot be denied nor defined. There are multiple varieties of music to fit everyone's taste. Multiple instruments played and vocals that sing melodies that touch our souls. I for one have always been a huge fan of music. I enjoy many different genres of music; including, Rhythm and Blues,  Oldies, Reggae, Salsa, Hip Hop, Classic Rock, Pop, Metal, Blues, and Gospel. Although, I like some country songs, it is my least favorite genre. Classical, Opera, and Jazz would be next in line of my least favorite types of music. I cannot feel or relate to most Country music songs which may be the reason for my dislike. Classical and Jazz can be felt in ways that influence my moods and allow me to think, which might cause me to avoid listening to them. I enjoy listening to music that gets me out of my head and allows me to feel a level of freedom and momentary joy. I like music with stimulating lyrics and powerful messages. I want to listen to beats that dro...

What has social media created? It has created a hunger for attention. A need to be recognized and have our egos fed. The constant feedback and acknowledgement from others, whether they are family, friends, or strangers. The desire to have our opinions heard and agreed with.  Social media and technology forums gives average folks spaces to become instantly famous. It is a space to show off unique skills, whether it be cooking, dance, or artistic talents. It is a place to entertain with comedic skits, memes, make-up and hair tutorials, the videos of the not-so-random acts of kindness, or simply posting a beautiful face with the hopes of going viral.  YouTube, Tik-Tok, Instagram, Twitter, Periscope, are just a few of the applications available today that allows regular people to share ideas, insights, hobbies, skills, and whatever they choose with the world. While these platforms have the potential to bring joy, laughter, and educate. There is also great potential for spreading u...